Pressed Between Vellum

Whoa. That was four lifetimes ago. Can’t remember. Somebody else said that. I think. Messed up. Wounded. Blinded. Numb. Wanted so much. Nothing to give. Nothing to say. No insight. No gifts. Nothing but rage. Trapped in waves. Leaking onto a floodplain. Embarrassed. Young. Still. So young. No composure. No control. What must you think? Never learned. Never grew. Never alone. With thoughts. Too dangerous. Unremitting sadness. Difficult to see. Wind blowing hard through bare trees. Wasted effort. No effect. Nothing’s changed. Wanted to leave an impression. Wanted to be. Something. But nothing anyone would notice. Except. Maybe…Flat on the road. Crow meat. Stumbling blind on a chain. Limbic. Eccentric. Italic. Refrain. Always repeating. The same. Distain. Distrain. We’re all renters. Never got a deposit back in my life. Cat piss in carpet. Mold in walls. Bracket fungi lining the halls. Spores. And mores. Now. Lifespan tapering. Last shot. Long shot. Unconditional surrender. White flag. Billowing. Dine and dash. Back to the sticks. October nights. Moon. Shadows. Silhouettes. Hills. Distant lights. Lost. Disheveled. Mechanized noise. Weaponized toys. Destroying the only thing worth defending. Saints preserve us. Book of Kells. Psychedelic monks. Pagan. Christian. Visions in hell. Can’t breathe. Pressed between vellum. Sheepskin. Organic. Need to connect. Communicate. Recognize. Sanctify. Justify. Verify. Simplify. Doesn’t help. But everyone gotta eat. Keep going. Scrape rocks. Find protein. Sell to highest bidder. Hungry. Savvy. Unpredictable. Cornered. Dangerous. Threatening. Long smear. Dark journey into night. Captured mid-flight. It’s ok. You can always go back. Sigh.

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